I went into work today with a bad attitude. Mostly because I was woken up an hour earlier than expected when my boss called me and asked if I could come in early as someone had called in, but also because I knew that most customers were going to be jerks and I didn't want to deal with that until I absolutely had to. I agreed to coming in early, albeit resentfully. When I arrived, I wasn't very pleasant, and although customers were equally unpleasant my attitude probably added to their unpleasantness. So, I tried to pull my face into a smile, and it seemed to work a little better even though everyone responded pretty much the same. I wondered why I had to come into work and fake like this, like most people I work with do, with the exception of my shift manager who is always cranky and difficult to be around. She is an older woman and she rarely has anything good to say to me. Then I realized its because everyone sees their lives as some grand story and I am the cashier that always has to serve them like a first class restaurant waiter, even though I work in that fastiest of fast food chains, and if I don't serve them like that they immediately act like I have insulted them because, after all, they are the most important person in this scene of their life and all actors must meet their expectations. I don't like the idea of myself as a prop in someones life, but working in a fast food place, I have to be. I know most people that come into the store don't give a fuck who I am or about my life, so the fake smile and order taking is something I like to do quickly to eliminate them from any of my future lifetime. That being said, I wonder why these people view others like this. I wonder how they can't see that since I work in a place like this, my life must be rather tedious and annoying and that is why I am not smiling like its my birthday or treating them like foreign royalty. I also don't understand why they feel a need to talk to me because I can't really tell them how I am doing because I work in a fast food restaurant and I need to get their order out quickly as I am being timed for my efficiency, and I also know that they don't care about me at all, and having conversations about the weather doesn't really relieve any of the tension in my chest or help me ease my stress, it only serves them because they are probably having a nice day (they aren't at work) and they want someone to help them make sure they are having a nice day. I don't really like the world today, or most days. Many people are very, very selfish, and the ones that aren't are not my friends because I am not very good at making friends. Probably because of my attitude, although when I am friends with anyone I am neither dramatic nor backstabbing, very loyal, and have a dutch paying policy. Also, I am a good listener. What happened to humanity? Where did we go wrong? I don't know, but I know that I am not like this, although the work situation I am in probably adds to the unpleasantness of myself which affects the people in America, continuing the cycle. Everyone says that one person can make a difference, and I would like to be that person, but 1 in 30 people is actually a nice person and all of these horrible people make me really not want to be in a good mood.
